Mascot Rowdy has an image problem

By David Mullen

The Dallas Cowboys has an image problem. More specifically, the image of the Dallas Cowboys has an image problem.

Sports Handle (sportshandle.com), a website that defines itself as “the home for information on the legal U.S. sports wagering industry — legislation, business and policy,” asked more than 1,000 fans to rank professional sports teams’ mascots. Among respondents, 50 percent were male, and 50 percent were female with an average age of 40. The website asked fans to identify the most obnoxious mascot.

Rowdy won in a rout.

Playing the role of the most obnoxious mascot is sports is nothing new to Rowdy, the Dallas Cowboys ever present mascot. He was previously named “Most Hated NFL Mascot” by Sports Illustrated in 2015. 

The dishonor seems to inspire Rowdy to put on his fake 00 jersey every morning. Houston Oilers wide receiver Kenny Burrough must be rolling over in his grave, and Oakland Raiders Hall of Fame center Jim Otto must feel he has one chop block left in the tank every time they see the fake “00” shamefully dancing on the field.    

The survey maintained that “mascots should embody and represent the spirit of a team, but they also should be intimidating.” The late Cowboy (Crazy) Ray embodied the spirit of team and was tough. Rowdy is as soft as the NFC South.

Full of synthetic padding so it looks like he has real muscles, Rowdy has had more surgery than the Cowboys fans in the luxury suites at AT&T. He doesn’t look like a football player. He looks like a puffed pastry. His oversized, sedentary smile affixed to his huge head would make the Joker proud.

As if his fake grin was not bad enough, Rowdy has his own Wikipedia page and section on the dallascowboys.com website. His vital statistics are as padded as he is. He claims he was born on August 19, 1996 (see Cowboys faithful in the luxury suites at AT&T) in Arlington, his height is “Tall Drink of Water” (half empty I presume) and his weight is “1 Arling-TON.” 

Mascots are supposed to be funny. Rowdy couldn’t even get a gig opening on a weeknight at Chuckles Comedy Club on Highway 360.

Trying to declare Texas roots, Rowdy claims his favorite food is Whataburger. I can spot a tofu eater a mile away. His favorite TV show is HBO’s “Hard Knocks,” although Rowdy obviously never studied at the School of Hard Knocks, and lists his hobbies as “lifting weights, horsing around and wrangling wins.” He forgot to mention that he likes to take long walks in the sunset along the Lazy River at Hurricane Harbor.

Rowdy is always in the wrong place at the wrong time. He (although gender is an assumption because we really don’t know who is inside the costume) seemed to invent the photobomb. Rowdy can be found underneath the goal posts when a potential game winning field goal by a Cowboys’ kicker falls shy of the crossbar. Why does Rowdy get an all-access field pass at an NFL game? 

He can be found in the parking lot before games when fans are diligently exercising their pregame routine. He is always in the picture at a supermarket opening or next to the “Hot Light” sign at the ribbon cutting of another Tarrant County Krispy Kreme.

Rowdy’s favorite ploy is he loves to crash a photo opportunity with the world-famous Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Rowdy should be behind the camera, not in front of it.  

In response to the allegations, Rowdy refused to comment.

By multiple measures, the Dallas Cowboys live up to their “America’s Team” moniker. In a recent survey by online site Sports-Betting-NY (sports-betting-ny.com), the Cowboys are the most popular sports team in America in the most popular sports league — the NFL — in America. 

In Texas, more than 2.2 million residents Google search the Cowboys every month. That is the equivalent of 7.6 percent of Texas’ population. Fans are not Googling to see if Rowdy had a Whatachick’n Sandwich for lunch. 

Gunning for Rowdy’s fake guns are the other highly rated obnoxious mascots. K. C. Wolf of the Kansas City Chiefs is second, ahead of Swoop of the Philadelphia Eagles and Poe of the Baltimore Ravens. Only Eagles fans could hate an American bald eagle. Ravens’ fans would be happy if Poe were “nevermore.”  

I am sure that the entire Philadelphia fan base is disappointed that they don’t own the most obnoxious mascot title. Talk in the “City of Brotherly Love” is that the team is considering introducing a new mascot to vie for the crown next year: Typical Eagles Fan.   

Maybe the Los Angeles Chargers, the Washington Commanders and the New York Giants and Jets have it right. 

Those NFL teams have no official mascot, although Gridlock, Filibuster and Fuhgeddaboudit are available for licensing through NFL Properties.

The Dallas Cowboys may not win the Super Bowl, but Rowdy seems to have a stronghold on maintaining the most insufferable mascot title for years to come. At 26, Rowdy is hitting his prickly prime.