Annual ‘Turkey Awards’ full of giblets

By David Mullen

There is so much to be grateful for in sports this Thanksgiving. Of the 30 NBA teams, only the Dallas Mavericks have Luka Doncic. The Dallas Stars, under new coach Peter DeBoer, have made goalscoring a priority. Dallas is always more pleasant when the Cowboys are winning, and they are winning. And it appears that the Texas Rangers are heading in the right direction and may be just three pitchers away: Sandy Koufax, Bob Gibson and Dennis Eckersley.

But with the good at the Thanksgiving sports table comes the bad. Like lima beans and mince pie, there are many choices for the annual “Turkey of the Year Awards.” These “turkeys” are as welcome at the feast as a bourbon-swilling uncle searching for hugs.

Dan Snyder and Roger Goodell. NFL commissioner Goodell and his office did an investigation into sexual harassment, financial misconduct and the use of nondisclosure agreement allegations against Washington Commanders owner Snyder. In 2021, Goodell fined Washington $10 million. Case closed.

Not so fast.

The office of Washington D.C. Attorney General Karl A. Racine has been conducting their own investigation into the Commanders and is planning to take further action. Racine said that he and his office “are moving full steam ahead,” and that “Dan Snyder, the Commanders and the NFL will soon face accountability for their actions.”

League commissioners and streaming services. Sports commissioners, notorious for squeezing more money out of loyal fans on behalf of billionaire owners, think they can grow a younger fan base by offering games on streaming services. 

They neglected to mention the outrageous fees streaming services will pay the leagues for the rights to live broadcasts. Amazon Prime is paying the NFL $1 billion per year for the next 11 years to broadcast 15 Thursday night games. That’s a lot to pay for a Thursday night tilt between the Indianapolis Colts and Denver Broncos.

The Stars opening season game was broadcast on streaming service Hulu. The Stars won 4-1 on their way to a quick start, but even loyal fans who pay for Bally Sports were unable to watch the game on cable. 

According to Forbes, Apple TV+ is paying MLB $85 million annually to broadcast a slate of games. In their first broadcast, often interrupted by connection loss, the hipster broadcast team of Melanie Newman, Chris Young and Hannah Keyser talked about iPhones, squirrels and how much they like Benihana. Keyser tweeted, “Tonight, I’ll help broadcast the Mets-Nationals game on Apple TV+, the first time I’ve ever done anything at all like that. Which is, frankly, surreally cool.” It was surreal, but not cool.

Nike designers. For the 2022 FIFA World Cup, beginning Sunday, Nov. 20 in Qatar, Nike was selected to design the U.S. Men’s National Team (USMNT) World Cup jersey kit.

The home jerseys are traditional white, with red and blue accents. Fine. But the road jerseys look like an oil spill in Lake Tahoe. They are deep blue with black splotches. Nike said that the road jerseys “celebrate diversity, youth and unity” and was inspired by “design techniques found throughout the American fashion and streetwear industry.” Not fine.

Social media has not been kind. One tweeter compared the jersey to Oreo packaging. USMNT midfielder Yunus Musah gave them a sideways thumb. Even Musah is “meh” on the look. 

Miami-Dade County and the Miami Heat. On November 11, the Heat and Miami-Dade County terminated the naming licensing rights to the FTX arena, effective immediately. Why? Because FTX, worth a reported $32 billion, went bankrupt quicker than a Jimmy Butler-led fast break. Maybe the Heat were being paid in cryptocurrency.

It should be noted that the Heat are not alone. The Golden State Warriors, Tom Brady, Stephan Curry, Trevor Lawrence, Naomi Osaka, Shohei Ohtani, Shaquille O’Neal and other prominent teams and athletes supported FTX. 

NBA star Kyrie Irving. An Olympic gold medalist, NBA Champion and seven-time NBA All-Star, Irving thinks the world is flat, sat out dozens of games after refusing to get vaccinated during COVID-19 and is serving a suspension for anti-Semitic tweets. He makes a salary of $33.3 million per year. His endorsement money fell off the earth. 

LIV Golf Tour. The Saudi Arabian government committed more than $600 million to start the LIV Golf Tour as a form of “sportswashing,” in the same way Adolf Hitler used the 1936 Winter and Summer Olympic Games and Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping of China used the Olympic Games in 2014 and 2022.

Some side dishes:

Forward Draymond Green. Caught on video, Green coldcocked Warriors teammate Jordan Poole at a closed, preseason practice. 

Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre. Although not yet criminally charged, Favre is implicated in a Mississippi welfare scandal where roughly $77 million in funds were misallocated. Some funds were allegedly used to build a new volleyball facility at the University of Southern Mississippi, where his daughter played. 

Phoenix Suns owner Robert Sarver. Amidst multiple reports of inappropriate treatment of employees, misogynistic behavior and frequent use of racial slurs, the NBA suspended Sarver for one year and fined him $10 million. Under pressure from other owners, Sarver is now attempting to sell the team.

Major League Baseball schedulers. A limited slate of games was scheduled for Easter Sunday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, the Fourth of July and Labor Day in 2022.

Reliever Aroldis Chapman. The New York Yankees pitcher was placed on the 15-day DL in late August because of a skin infection on his left calf caused by a new tattoo.

Starter Chris Sale. In 2019, the Boston Red Sox signed Sale to a five-year, $145 million contract extension through the 2024 season. Sale missed all of 2020 and much of 2021 after Tommy John surgery. In 2022, he broke his pinkie and later broke his wrist. Since signing the extension, Sale has made 14 starts between the regular season and postseason, totaling 57 1/3 innings.

Fernando Tatis Jr. Before the 2021 season, San Diego Padres shortstop Tatís Jr. signed a 14-year, $340 million extension. After breaking his wrist in an offseason motorcycle accident, MLB suspended Tatis Jr. 80 games for testing positive for Clostebol, a banned performance-enhancing substance. Without Tatis Jr., the Padres lost the 2022 NLCS.  

The Cleveland Browns. Despite more than two dozen allegations of sexual harassment and sexual assault forcing him to miss the entire 2021 season, the Browns signed free agent quarterback Deshaun Watson to a five-year, $230 million contract. The NFL suspended Watson for the first 11 games of the 2022 season.

Sitting at the kiddie table are the Las Vegas Raiders, quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Oakland A’s owner John Fisher, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred and former Dallas Cowboys running back Herschel Walker.

Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the drunk uncle stories about “the good old days.”