Grading against the curve

(and fastball)

By David Mullen

Since school — opened or closed — is often in the news today, it seems appropriate to hand out grades on the performances of the four major local sports teams. In some cases, the fans seemed to have learned more than the teams. 

No need to set up a virtual conference call, as this class is not required but can be audited. We will grade on the standard A through F scale, with an I for incomplete. 

Dallas Mavericks. The Mavericks are rising quickly to the top of the class, and they are destined for the honor roll. Despite all of the obstacles, Luka Doncic showed his talent to fans all over the globe. As a footnote, his jersey is now No. 2 in sales behind only LeBron James. And Doncic doesn’t benefit from all of the free exposure James receives from ESPN.

The core of the Mavericks remains young and is still learning. Doncic is 21. Forward Kristaps Porziņģis is only 25 yet has four years of NBA seasoning. His health is critical to future wins. Owner Mark Cuban and coach Rick Carlisle are as giddy as kids at recess about the outlook for success. Soon, the Mavericks will be sitting in the front row. Grade: A  

Dallas Stars. Classic underachievers for most of the year, the Stars seemed to grasp everything when they had to. They battled through injuries. With goalie Ben Bishop out, Anton Khudobin was brought up to the starting team and performed beyond expectations. Jamie Benn proved his value. Tyler Seguin did not, but was injured to an extent no one fully knows because the NHL likes to keep secrets.

When it looked like free agent Khudobin was moving to another city, he resigned to stay in Dallas with his classmates. The Stars have an excellent mix of veteran players and rising stars. But they have already spent all of their lunch money, so any free agent upgrades seem unlikely. Even in a very tough conference, the Stars should continue to win. 

Grade: A-   

Texas Rangers. Once again, the Rangers seemed to learn absolutely nothing this year, and general manager Jon Daniels remains the class clown. Despite the GM touting great expeditions, the team never grasped the basics. They ended up last in the class in the American League, which is difficult to do. Nothing less than a trip to the principal’s office can turn this team around. They gave fans a “wedgie” this year.

It is ironic that the World Series is being played at Globe Life Field in Arlington this October, but the Rangers are in a “time out.” Will they ever learn? Grade: F 

Dallas Cowboys. I overestimated last year’s team. I thought bringing in a new instructor in head coach Mike McCarthy would make this year’s Cowboys better, but he seems too “old school” for today’s game. 

Unfortunately, franchise quarterback Dak Prescott will have to stay behind this year because of a gruesome on-field injury suffered October 11 and must turn to the redhead, former TCU quarterback Andy Dalton.

The defensive plan appears to be too difficult for the players to grasp. Luckily, the Cowboys are in a remedial class with Washington, New York and Philadelphia. They could win the division with a 7-9 record (a .444 winning percentage). Grade: D+

Final report card. In recapping my preseason predictions, I went back and looked at my picks kept in a Pee-Chee folder covered with groovy, line art sports figures. For those that don’t remember what a Pee-Chee folder is, you are too young.  

In the NBA, while I didn’t pick the Mavs to win it all, I did have them competing in the playoffs, stating: “Watch out for the Mavericks. They are a team well-equipped for short term success.” 

They did survive the first round and played well with others. I had them being ousted by the Los Angeles Clippers, which happened. 

But I took the Clippers to play the Milwaukee Bucks in the NBA Finals. Bucks all-world power forward Giannis Antetokounmpo — “aka The Greek Freak” — got hurt, leaving Milwaukee fans crying in their milk cartons in the cafeteria. As far as the Clippers, I picked the wrong Los Angeles team, as the Lakers won the championship. Grade: C-

As far as the NHL, I pointed out the Stars talent but questioned their initiative. I picked the Tampa Bay Lightning to lose to the Colorado Avalanche in the Stanley Cup Finals. The Lightning beat the Stars, who eliminated Colorado in the second round of the Western Conference playoffs, and took the crown. Grade: B –

In my baseball predictions, before MLB went to an unprecedented eight-team playoff, I picked the Minnesota Twins to play Los Angeles Dodgers in the World Series. The Twins decided that they would stop hitting. The Dodgers dominated in the regular season, but has a record of becoming a different team in the playoffs. They may need to see the school phycologist. Grade: I    

In the NFL, at the beginning of last season, I picked the Kansas City Chiefs to win their first Super Bowl in 50 years. An A+ on that prediction. Unfortunately, I chose the Chiefs to play the Cowboys in Super Bowl LIV.  The Cowboys didn’t even make the playoffs, and coach Jason Garrett was expelled. But that’s like writing a great thesis and being marked down for spelling errors. I picked Kansas City to repeat this season. So far, so good. Grade: B+ 

I promise to take a Kaplan course in sports prognostication before next year, and I might even learn to speak Greek.