Helpful hints may ease school year jitters

By Judy Babb

March 2020 – a month that will go down in infamy. Schools closed, people started working from home, life as we knew it was over. No one knew what would happen next and, to a certain extent, we still don’t — it’s not over. The New York Times said in an Aug. 16 article that COVID-19 is still very much an issue.

“The latest phase of the pandemic,” the article said, “is the realization that COVID-19 is not disappearing anytime soon.”

But it’s not just the disease factor, there’s been an educational pandemic. The Regional Educational Laboratory Program website states, “Learning loss has taken on a whole new meaning as the prevalence of both virtual classrooms and hybrid-style remote/in-person learning has led to growing concerns about how students’ knowledge retention is affected.”

Parents must decide what to do to keep their children safe and their achievement where it should be.

Even if your child attended school in person, teachers had to do multiple duties at once — attend to those in class, take care of those who were virtual and create different lessons when at-school projects couldn’t be done at home. Teachers were stretched far beyond typical school year expectations.

Determining what to do as a parent depends on a plethora of things. Obviously helping elementary students is different than high schoolers. The younger ones are more likely to engage with parents. Sometimes a parent sitting at the same table as the child works, answering questions and providing support, will help immensely. Sometimes it’s reading their level of frustration or fidgetiness. If necessary, take a break with them. Play a quick game or have a snack. Talk with them about their feelings and reassure them everyone needs help with some things. Make sure you help but don’t do their work. Celebrate when they finish something. Fist bump!

Anyone with teens knows they are less likely to seek or want parental help. Here are some helpful tips to get them back on board.

Get them to reengage at school. Just because they are going doesn’t mean they have engaged. Talking with them — not at them — will help. Use “tell me about” phrases. Tell me about your English class, do you like your teacher (why or why not)? “Tell me” phrases encourage conversation. If they don’t seem to be engaging in a particular class, ask them what they think is the problem. 

Don’t make it about them but about how they see what is happening in class. Ask them how they could help change it or accept it and do their best with it. Don’t side against the teacher but try to get them to figure a way to adapt. Remind them entering with a smile and a “How are you?” is a great way to improve the mood.

What did you do at school today? That’s a problematic question because it is not specific. It’s likely to elicit the answer “Nothing.” For the younger ones, you can go through their day. Ask them about specific things. What was the coolest thing you did and what did you learn from it?

For the older ones, start with their toughest subject. Be nonconfrontational. You may have been a whiz at math or could figure out the symbolism in a story. Those things are not genetic. Offer help or help them find it. Let them know you had challenges too. End with a question about their favorite subject and find something real to praise. Keep the lines of communication open. Look for ways to say things in a positive way like “I like the way you are thinking” or “Can you a see a way to deal with it” or “Show me how you did that.” 

Encourage pride in self. Teens are developing their sense of who they are. They tend to look at failure as an all-inclusive thing. “I’m a loser” arches over “I didn’t do well at that.” That doesn’t mean give up on algebra or calculus or writing a good five-paragraph essay. It may mean they need help outside of what they can get at your kitchen table. Make a point of letting them know if you can’t help but you can find someone who can. This may mean they think Mom and Dad aren’t superpowers, but they believe in their ability to help them.

Praise appropriately. “I know you tried” and “I’m proud of you” can encourage your child to talk to you. It also gives an opening to seek outside help, if needed. I will never be good at higher math. My parents knew that, offered help and then accepted that I would not make an A or a B. When I decided to major in journalism in college, we decided on a BA rather than a BS because I didn’t have to take math if I went for a Bachelor of Arts. I’ve managed to have a fruitful life without college math. I was able to feel good about myself instead of thinking I was a failure because I was not a mathlete.

Staying in touch and working with your children will make a real difference in their success and with your relationships with them. Don’t give up on them and don’t give up on yourselves. 

Finally, give appropriate rewards for their successes. Ice cream or some item that they have longed for can do it.