Santa in giving mood to local teams

By David Mullens

The local sports teams have submitted their Christmas gift lists to Santa through their players unions and representatives. With input from his committee of elves, Santa is vetting the list to see who has been nice and worthy of a package under the tree and those that have been naughty and will be relegated to spending time in St. Nick’s penalty box. 

Fortunately, in 2023, the Dallas Cowboys, Texas Rangers, Dallas Mavericks and Dallas Stars have been very good. Luckily for the Cowboys, Santa discounts driving records when evaluating the gift list.        

No White Elephant party or regifting is allowed. The trade deadline has passed. Here is an early peek at what the local teams are hoping to find after Santa has made his rounds this holiday season. 

To the Cowboys. An all-expense paid trip to Las Vegas in February. The Nevada desert is a great time to visit in early 2024. The days are mild, the golf courses are in pristine condition, and Carrot Top will be continuing his run at Luxor. Oh, and Super Bowl LVIII is being played at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas on Sunday, Feb. 11, 2024.

The Cowboys have a real opportunity to visit Vegas in February. Barring major injuries to MVP candidate Dak Prescott or certain Defensive Player of the Year Micah Parsons, only the San Francisco 49ers and Philadelphia Eagles stand in the way of the Cowboys representing the NFC in the Big Game. February trips to Las Vegas are as scarce as finding a Barbie Dreamhouse. 

Both San Francisco and Philadelphia already have their bags packed. Dallas hopes to see one of the teams at the final boarding call. 

To the Rangers. A revamped bullpen. What do you get the team that has everything? A collection of reliable pitchers to fill up bullpen seats next to Jose LeClerc and Josh Sborz would be a thoughtful and practical gift. Ranger fans can’t agonize over another season of hearing, “Bruce Bochy makes a call to the bullpen.” The moments are too stressful. 

Santa could also add another vowel to Sborz Christmas stocking while he is distributing the smaller presents. It would be a kind gift to copy editors everywhere. Texas could also use another bat if DH and backup catcher Mitch Garver signs with another team, but giving Power Rangers as gifts are passe this Christmas.    

To the Mavericks. A copy of the album “Aretha Gold” by the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin. When national pundits talk about the NBA 2023-24 season, conversation goes toward the depth of the Boston Celtics, that Joel Embiid and the Philadelphia 76ers are much better with Tyrese Maxey leading the offense than with moody James Harden, how the addition of Damian Lillard may help Giannis Antetokounmpo and the Milwaukee Bucks over the top and about the job Rick Carlisle is doing making the Indiana Pacers relevant despite the absence of a defense. 

NBA experts will rightly marvel at LeBron James and anoint the Los Angeles Lakers as favorites for the title, talk about the “Last Dance” of the Golden State Warriors, the Minnesota Timberwolves sudden surge that has actually been years in the making, the team of superstars finally gelling as Clippers in LA and the Denver Nuggets securing another NBA crown.    

Ask the highly respected “NBA on TNT” dream team of Shaquille O’Neal, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley to list the top teams in the league, and the Dallas Mavericks never, ever, come to mind. Overcoming a wave of injuries, a pending ownership transfer while introducing a promising new player in Dereck Lively II into the low post position, the Mavericks and head coach Jason Kidd are quietly having an excellent season. Like leading MVP candidate Luka Doncic, the Mavs are in need of a little “R-E-S-P-E-C-T.”      

To the Stars. A Ring second generation video doorbell. With a defense that can at times turn suspect around the goal, netminders Jake Oettinger and Scott Wedgewood need added protection when Western Conference foes Connor McDavid and Nathan MacKinnon and others reach their doorstep.  

To SMU. See Dallas Mavericks. Instead of playing in a New Year’s Day bowl game, the 11-2 Mustangs have been relegated to the Fenway Bowl and forced to listen to “Boston.” 

To FC Dallas. A player with a foot like Cowboys kicker Brandon Aubrey.

To the Dallas Wings. A seat at the adult table. Yes, DFW has a WNBA team, and they play in Arlington like the Cowboys and Rangers. But instead of demanding equal media coverage, try drawing more than 4,600 fans on average per game. That mark is less than the AA Frisco RoughRiders. 

And since Santa is in a giving mood, a couple more gifts are in his sleigh.

To NFL Officials. A CD of Billy Joel’s “The Stranger” featuring the song “Get It Right the First Time.” A passage in the NFL Football Operations standards reads “The seven NFL officials on the field have specific roles and responsibilities that make it possible to correctly and consistently call games at football’s highest level.” If the officials can’t adhere to that clear responsibility, I would suggest listening to another Joel hit — “Movin’ Out.”

To the College Football Playoff committee. The Rand McNally 2024 Road Atlas – 100th Anniversary Collector’s Edition. If the committee turns to the map of the U.S., they will find that Alabama is not the epicenter of the U.S. in anything, including college football. 

And then pass along the atlas to conference officials at the Atlantic Coast Conference so they can see that Dallas, Berkeley and Palo Alto are nowhere near the Atlantic Ocean. 

May all of your favorite team’s holiday wishes come true.